In Essence: Friend or Comrade?


Current Mood:


I set a defense date for December.

There is absolutely no reason for me to pay more than my monthly salary for 1 diss credit.

fuck that

10 Nov

Phoenix Amor came to this world on Nov 3rd’s waning crescent moon. I’m excited to meet our new family member. We got a couple more coming in the next few months.

I’ve had loose bowels, nausea, muscular pain, headache and feel fatigue for about 3 days now. No fever or chills, I think. I can taste and smell well still. Veteran’s Day is celebrated by schools being open but COVID19 testing being closed. The system does not need to make sense. Enough people follow the rules.

Last week, I was asked about the first book in which I saw myself: “Meet Addy.”

I was thrilled that the series finally had a character so similar to me. Parts of my story are out there! Papi reminded me, around 2nd grade, that our essence was still absent in these stories. The “American” series was missing the most crucial component of its story – those of us from this Land. I wrote a letter to the company and they responded with an “American under Mexican rule” and then an “American” representing Native America in a region prior to larger European-centered settlement (from the Nimipuu tribe).

Books have become more diverse for sure…

As a family we watched television shows like The Cosby’s, Family Matters or The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and were taught to look for values that matched our own and criticize how some descendants of slaves were deculturalized and uphold a system that not only oppresses them but openly despises them as well. I was taught to defend my ethnic backgrounds but never to do so in ways that maintains the material conditions of a chained people. I now watch shows like This is Us, Black-ish, Grown-ish, Mixed-ish not because they are good, but to, maybe, catch a glimpse into similar epistemologies of my people and to conduct CRT media analyses (similar to how my elders taught me).

I am my people at my essence

I do not identify as a Black woman though I have an actual African grandparent because properties of Blackness here do not match properties of our Blackness. White people can be Black here – not just in looks but in every aspect of how they live their life. “Black” in the U.S. means/t, for many, consumer-Hip-Hop culture (not underground), Christianity, top-down power structures, toxic patriarchy and hegemony. Deculturalization is what happened to folx like Kamala Harris, Michelle and Barak Obama, Black folxs on pop TV and many academic Black folxs.

It is a loving critique.

This week in This is Us there’s a scene in which the white brother has an awkward morning with his non-traditional fiancée. They hooked up, got pregnant and then moved in and decided to spend their lives together during a pandemic. Their conversation is painfully simple, non-emotional, vapid. The next scene is even worse. Two white girls are talkin about some boy “who clearly still likes” the young white girl twin (after they broke up). Mandy More comes in “I have snacks. Nothing healthy. Only the fun stuff.”



The snotty, ungrateful teen tells her mom, “Bagel Bites. Stewart loves Bagel Bites” (“Stewart” is a boy she likes, insert eye roll emoji here, and is trying to impress as girls are taught).

Rebecca doesn’t want to “meddle”



So far, the vast majority of television in 2020 that incorporates people of Color, still makes them White.

I keep searching for Red and Black people that think like us, that act like us.

The scene that follow that grossass child abuse, the white girl twin is an adult with her husband meeting the Steeler’s Fan mother of maybe their future child. That was on the couple’s “Profile” and the woman wore it as an “homage.” Then she mentions naming the child after a tv character from Buffy. No judgement about the fetus created from a one-night stand. They’re excited she has “exquisite” pop culture references “like she combed through [they’re] social media.”


Like for real.

These are the values that people look for?


I see myself in Tess and Deja and even Annie.

Their parents – not so much.

I’m turning inward again and shutting out the world.

I woke up feeling sick. All over sick, inside out.

I cannot continue to act like them.

Current mood:

In the quest to find our names born of the Land, we are lost. They called at us with strange sounds. Escaped enslaved Africans and survivors from shipwrecks in 1553 formed independent communities along rivers of Ecuador’s northern coast and mingled with Indigenous folxs in areas beyond the reach of the colonial “authorities.” Flags did not exist then. Borders were not policed then. African ways of being complimented the region’s cosmobio-worldviews.

9 Nov

8 Nov

Red Scare 2020 Lessons

1. Find your comrades

2. Find your friends

3. Find your kin folxs

4. White people stay about White people (POC-White-Wannaba are sometimes more dangerous)

5. Do NOT sell out
#RedScare2020 #LiberalsAreAlsoCapitalists #EliteBIPOCAintTheAnswer #HeterarchiesWork #RelinquishPower #ACAB

Don’t let others see you thrive. Jealousy is a powerful tool of colonialism. They taught you to want more than what you can ever actually need in life.

This is not a competition.

This is the same tired Racism v. Classism debate

White is a state of mind of which BIPOC definitely consume if\when they are indoctrinated by schools and media which inculcate the imperialist White supremacy capitalist patriarchy

Black folxs have it worse

<applause for a Black Asian cop>


7 Nov

Current mood: Corbiche Manabita

Just after Dr. Dre spoke “hold up,” the data disconnected from my cellphones, which interrupted the blue tooth at precisely at 3:33:43 yesterday. I spent a lot of yesterday pondering this and then felt peaceful.

This morning sometime around 8am just after some squats and push-ups, I made a Texas toast with fresh basil, spinach, avocado and a fried egg with mora juice and cafe for my first mean, I tidied up. I smoked. I lit some candles. Drew The Hermit. Then, I prepared my television for starting the new season of Killing Eve. My goal was to eat and watch an entire episode without other technological distractions. My food was so good that even when I squealed in pain with the first bite I could gobble up the rest, half ignoring the pain. As I went to the mirror during the last moments of my chew, some dry bits stayed in my esophagus and made me cough violently.

I made it through one episode and then started episode 2 of the 3rd season in the kitchen. My goal was to make corbiches. Salieron aguados pero huelen ricos:

This is my body as I near 36. I’m trying to build strength throughout my body. I practice yoga and meditation nearly daily. I go on runs twice or more a week (on good, not suffocating-heat days). I’m trying to do more strength training and eating better to catch up to my aging body. My period pain has lessened substantially and it is quite a relief.

Our plátano, maní, choclo, coco, pechicha, achocha, yuca, guineo…

La Cosmobiovisión incluye la ley de “lo que es mio, es tuyo;” “No hay bastante pero hay sufuciente” (Lamar, 2019). When it’s cold bundle up as much as possible – SHARE WARMTH. Do not be wasteful. Do not be lazy. Do not take more than what you don’t need. Recycle everything as often as humanly possible. Nurture the life around you as much as humanly possible. My ancestors do not understand self-extinction – nourishing life is the meaning of life. We have everything we already need – jealousy is the most useless emotion. Find time for joy. Pachamama sings brilliance and beauty when Her children dance.

“In the end communism will triumph” W.E.B Dubois

The term “decolonization” is popular in the 21st century. Yet, folxs believe there are vast differences between liberal mentality and conservative mentality. Like Democrats are “better than”… Socialism is totally inconceivable – it’s confusing to many. From an Indigenous viewpoint, some of the shit coming out just makes no sense.

Your actual day-to-day way of being is detrimental to yourself and all other living beings.

Why would should we strive to live like you?

Thriving happens when I listen to Land.

Your rules don’t apply here

they only lead to pain

we know how to live this Land

Even your imitation is costly; your surrender of such silly ways is all we pray for

We live well into our hundreds and decide when we are finished living in our current forms. We are natural, natural is us. We can read us.

It doesn’t have to make sense to you. You are from somewhere else.

Time is not linear. Borders are not real. Movement is always.

Some of the knowledges of Abya Yala stay on Abya Yala across time and space to and fro different bodies.

El Hormigueo:

Whiteness would rather die in the physical and live in the imagination than to live in the truth.” – Sonya Renee Taylor

“The screaming baboon lived under their own white skin; the red gums were their own.” – Toni Morrison, BELOVED


Just got back from spending a couple hours at #CountOnUsFL 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s