I forget to breathe

I forget to love loudly

I forget that I can interrupt generational trauma by healing

I forget to love myself

So many of you have taught me ways of healing

My Luz and my Lucia, Sam, Ayanna, Ruby, Angeli, Luis, Thomas, Marcos, Brian…

I forget to breathe

Joss told me it’s an air-sign quality

I was born under and Aquarius sun & moon

Someone told me Taurus rising, another told me Libra rising

Yall aint shocked – my movements are not hidden 

I forget to breathe

This affects everything from physical wellness

to clarity of thought

to behavior

At first glance or talk with me, you do not get all of me

My actions are not easily deciphered by everyone

I act out of need, not to show

I don’t interrupt you because I don’t like what you have to say

My brain is overloaded and you’ve just added to that load

I’m not upset with you

I interrupt when I can’t contain what’s in my head

It does not mean I love you less

On the contrary

I love that you’ve given me more to consider

I forget to breathe

I will still fight with you, not always visibly or out loud

Deleting you from social media is not an indication of my affinity for you

it is about safety

some of yall make me feel unsafe

Like my identities are cause for concern

Like my way of life deserves punishments or rewards

If you uphold the systems that oppress me and my people

I will love you from a distance only

I am constantly worried about my safety

YES, it is absolutely tied to all my unsafe experiences

I forget to breathe

this capitalist patriarchy taught me to hold my breath

to think without oxygen

to act without lifeforce

to follow its rules without understanding purpose or reason

I forget to breathe

but today I will remember to inhale life

and exhale the death of that detrimental way of being