عشرون

Current Mood: Black Thought

11:11

What do I want to change about myself?

Why did I go to therapy?

Why did I choose therapy?

I want to be centered in my life, in my every thought and action.

I would like to learn what sort of relationships and companionship compliment me.

How do I ease my mind? How do I turn off bad thoughts? How do I halt intrusive thoughts? How do I focus on (just the) present? Why must I only focus on the present?

How do I live my truth and stop participating in this gross oppressive system of arbitrary, often racist rules?

In this time, nasty French doctors proposed testing COVID19 treatment in Africa

World Health Organization Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus called the stupid remarks a “hangover from a colonial mentality… To be honest, I was so appalled. And it was a time when I said when we needed solidarity — this kind of racist remarks actually would not help, it goes against the solidarity.”

 

I AM ABOUT SOLIDARITY.

 

This world is VASTLY INHABITED by brilliance and beauty; foolish people can’t fathom a world that they don’t realize exists so they “make discoveries” like this “subterranean Galapagos” to self-congratulate themselves.

 

13:59

Las lenguas que hablaban los nativos de Manabí (Manaví) pertenecen al gran Filo lingüístico Macro-Chibcha.

De la familia Chibcha-Barbacoana proviene un 41,04% de las palabras; de la familia Quechua-Aymara un 24,81%; de la familia Chibcha-Timote un 20,14%. En menor proporción encontramos que un 6,47% proviene del Taino; un 5,39% del grupo Caribe-Jibaro; y apenas un 2,15%  es proveniente de lenguas mesoamericanas como el Maya o el Quiche. Las conclusiones de esta investigación nos indica que: las lenguas que hablaban los nativos de Manabí, en época precolombina, pertenecen al gran Filo lingüístico Macro-Chibcha.

22:03

A (not-fully academic) submission was accepted!! Woohoo…

21:41

When I was applying to doctoral programs an odd question came up on several applications (I applied to 12 unis got into 7). It goes something like: what, if any, hardships have you experienced that explain your GPA or academic success?

I keep forgetting that the nature of trauma is to forget.

I was on the phone with my mother at one point explaining to her the bs questions I kept getting asked and she reminded me of some shit I totally had forgotten in the moment of applications. I first did community college, which I always forget about – I couldn’t afford to move out without taking on a full time job and doing part time school. Then during my 2nd year, my apartment was robbed of over $10k (btw 3 rms – mostly electronics stolen). Just after that happened, my car’s transmission died and I couldn’t afford to fix it even with 4 jobs at the time (as a full-time student) so I sold it for bs money and moved back with my parents. After moving back in with my folxs, I drove 2 hours to my uni 3 times a week, sometimes working at one job (teaching K at that point) which was at the mid point of the two and or doing side projects – I founded US For Earth (environmental justice group), for example.

There is one professor I remember from my community college – a Spaniard who danced flamenco and made us read Kafka; forgot her name! I remember zero professors from my first university. From my 2nd uni I remember a Black woman who taught literature and a White dude who had taught every age group and even taught in jail – I wanted that experience! (don’t remember his name, something like Coggins?)

After one year of living at home, adapting to my new uni, my family suffered the terrible loss of our Bryan. Holy shit, how did I forget all this for an application? Do I have to tell them about it? Mami assured me that these folxs eat up trauma – that I should learn to sell it, to take a part of their loads of money. I did not listen to her entirely.

Today I thought about the traumas that have “prevented my success.”


Loved chatting about music with my niblings after the baby sang along to jazz. My nibling ahijade tells me: “Ask me what my first instrument was” after I explained that chimes were my first. I obliged. “My voice.” Ooooh right I actually sang first also….

Love my kin ❤

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