I immediately adapt to natural life. Eastern Towhees join the Alba/Dawn Chorus here every morning… y me llaman papi 😉
There are memories I have that I cannot shake.
this is T-R-A-U-M-A
In one memory I sent a heartfelt email to a professor who, in turn, ghosted me. They were nasty to me the whole semester as though I had done them wrong. YOU GOT BEEF? I DO NOT EVEN KNOW YOU, BITCH!! #haterzgonnahate. That same professor was the asshole who told me all the Ecuadorians they know “identified as White.” That was one of the most ignorant and unprofessional things I’ve heard a person utter. With everything that their fuckin PhD is supposed to be about – the complicated mess that is colonialism – this dumbFUCK (and I’ll tell it to their face) decides that they know enough of “my people” to tell me that I am neither Afro-decedent or Indigenous. How many Manabas do you know? Oh you happen to know a few Ecuas from your childhood? STFU. Ooooh that felt just as gross as being called a beaner or spic or the ‘n’ word. I was so close to them when they spoke these words that I was tempted to just uppercut their mouth to shut it. You wanna see ratchet Brooklyn come out? Try me.
That same professor was “sick” at some point (they made it a point to tell us how tough they were about lateness and grading for a week or two until the prized brown nosers missed days and then I said fuck it and landed myself in the hospital – i’m annoyed at myself for being courteous to them – cause I DO NOT OWE YOU A GODDAMN THING. So, they sent their spouse to play for us a documentary about my childhood neighborhood, which supposedly was the prof’s too. I rose my hand in tears to express gratitude and praise, feeling happiness…. that cold fucker just looked at me, said nothing at all for a moment and then asked if “anyone else has something to say.” I did not even want “a thank you” or “appreciate that”…. claro que me pica! Your fuckin tool of a spouse also just takes your chismes and applies them to people he doesn’t know shit about?
I remind myself constantly to not be a cold, asshole professor like these “young scholars” (my fuckin age) who behave this way. How is it you treat a student like this?
Despicable.. YALL IS GROSS. Nasty. I hope for no students ever feel like yall made me feel.
All of this:
Throughout this article, you’ll read the occasional “goddamn” and “fuck you” and other choice cuss words. They’re not always meant to shock, but to make a point, or because I’m angry, or to keep you awake.Profanity is subjective, anyways. What’s profane to me is not someone who says “fuck.” What’s profane to me is what happened to the people trapped in the World Trade Center on 9/11. What’s profane to me is big business CEOs makin’ millions of dollars in salary perks while their minimum-wage workers is livin’ off food stamps. What’s profane to me is all the racist, sexist, legislative bullshit happenin’ in states like Arizona, North Carolina, and Texas. Profanity, to me, is not what someone says. Profanity is what people do to each other that hurts or kills. I really doubt that me sayin’ one “goddamn” is as profane or offensive as the thousands if not millions of folks in Africa dyin’ from AIDS right now. So, keep my cussin’ in perspective, OK? If you got problems with my profane voice, then fuck you—go read somethin’ else. Let the people with balls on ’em keep readin’.(Granted, “fuck you” is not the most sophisticated of retorts, but when it’s said by me, at least you know it’s heartfelt and sincere (Saldaña, 977).