Self-Quarantine: Day 1

Current Mood: DayDreamin x Lupe Fiasco

Nearby is a “War Memorial Park,” Martinsburg, WV 25401

I’m in a tin-roofed attic with 2 guitars and 2 bass guitars, 2 twin-sized beds, a small tv, microwave and mini-fridge. I have about 2 more servings of cooked rice and a small portion of opened tuna fish, I have 1 more can of tuna, a can of octopus, 1 bag of platain chips, 1 bag of granola, 1 jar and 1 bag of almonds, 1 can of beets, 1 can black beans, half a loaf of sliced bread, 5 water bottles, 2 coconut waters, 1 jugo de tamarindo, 1 de guava, 8oz of cheese, corn tortillas, instant coffee (and Airbnb coffee and caffeine pills and energy packets), Platinum Cake, Sour Diesel, Birthday Kush, 4 kinds of edibles, shrooms, two small suitcases of clothes, books and random shit, my ukulele, and lots of art from my trips to Ecuador (2017), Cuba (2017), South Africa (2019), Belgium (2019), Holland (2020) and Germany (2019-2020).

Lo’ maliantes quieren krippy, krippy, krippy, krippy, krippy
To’a las babys quieren kush, kush, kush, kush, kush
Lo’ gansters quieren krippy, krippy, krippy, krippy, krippy
To’a las babys quieren kush, kush, kush, kush, kush

I want to play, I want to create

but fear is immobilizing

The past 5 years have been unbelievable, it’s not regret that I feel

it’s almost just naïvete – was I that oblivious before?

Did I know that humans were capable of such deceit, betrayal?

So able and willing to hurt?

How did I become entangled in such gross messes?

Do I say and do vile things?

Like that?

hoping wishing waiting for some humanity, some tenderness, an investment in actual nourishment, in all of our thriving….

How the fuck am I here right now?

The last 4 years have felt like drowning. I was constantly catching my breath with lungs full of fire. So much confusion without oxygen. Throw me back in the water now, please? I will not climb that apple tree as a fish.

PLEASE?

please

I will not be sad if apples stop growing here

Trauma is incredible. As the disentanglement happens

I had to turn my back on what got you paid

The end is the beginning is the end

then the curls begin again

Begin again

not alone

In solidarity with you

You, my friend

Screenshot_20200325-113224

the things I want to say are washed away

this time is here, I must speak up

be clear

use the right words that make sense to someone else

La mar estaba sereno

The sea sorts through incomprehensible knots

me vs me struggles

Was life never easy or do we make it hard for ourselves?

Though I am in a constant state of full contemplation, there is something about the spring that is unique. I began trying to document the patterns of my oxytocin and pheromones for some time – it’s blogged about somewhere. This Spring is – of course – much more different than ever before. I have been self-isolating for most of 2018 – 2020. It is eerie that now it is state-mandated or authority-imposed. We all have a slight quiver in our voices. What a great idea to connect with mi gente today, when I began feeling weak again.

18:00: Reading with Tricontinental: Frantz Fanon The Brightness of Metal

“And yet everything used to be so simple before:

the bad people were on one side,

and the good people on the other”

Duh Freire, Butler, hooks, Sartre, Atahualpa, Bolivar, Parra, Jara, papi, Salvador Allende

C’est Les Damnés de la Terre not wretched!!

Pre-Marx Indigenous “communism”

WTF did Fanon actually mean in Black skin?

Sexist?

Eh, n’est pas grave.

“Each generation must discover its mission, fulfill it or betray it, in relative opacity.” -Fanon

Lewis Gordon notes, “for Fanon, legitimacy is not a matter of offering proof of racial or cultural authenticity; rather, it emerges ‘from active engagement in struggles for social transformation and building institutions and ideas that nourish and liberate the formerly colonized’.”

Praxis does not function under neoliberalism, White supremacy delusions, capitalism, or any colonial structures, institutions…..

A Small Place x Jamaica Kinkaid

Do we wanna read Butler right now?

How long ’till Black Future Month?

20:00: FMFP Lovin

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